i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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