Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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