Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
cat food counts as protein by the way
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
