sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
