Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
