So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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