he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
