Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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