I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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