So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize