i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
