He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
