i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
