you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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