I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
