The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
