Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
