he thought i was a dude.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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