I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize