dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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