I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
