are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
