We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
