if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
