I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
