I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize