nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
