remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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