STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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