DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
