but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize