grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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