Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You need Xanax blowdarts
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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