Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
