She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I deserve this hangover.
why is half of my head shaved?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
