and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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