I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
