Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
