he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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