The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
