One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
