My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
