I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
