My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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