Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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