I heard we made out
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
