reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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