I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
