i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
