these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
