so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
