OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
