Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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