then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
