It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
