Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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