You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
