p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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