I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
