Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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