Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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