i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
