marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
