$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
