my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
