this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize