Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
