Duck Duck Cougar?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
