I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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