Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
