forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
