i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
