Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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